For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
