oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
