dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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