Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
