I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
