Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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