I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
