If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
