it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Found your dick twin last night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
