When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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