:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The feeling are messing with the penis
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
