We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
