Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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