Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
