Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
