i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize