I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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