Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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