I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
