I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
