Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I skipped work to stalk him.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
