hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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