you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This is my gift to your gina
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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