ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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