Sponge bath it is.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
