oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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