I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
