My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
