sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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