I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
