All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
