she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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