When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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