Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
