Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
