my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This toilet bowl is my home.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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