were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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