I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Randomize
