Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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