You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm really into asian looking animals
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
