well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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