Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
