Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
