Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
