why im i the only drunk person in the library?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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