why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
