So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
