so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
