It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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