Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
