Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
