she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
