i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
