i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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