Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
