Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just pynch a tree in the face
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
