Someone shit on the floor
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
