I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
