bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize