you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
