It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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