Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
