theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
