im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
