just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
