they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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