he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
