Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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