Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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