2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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