i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
