I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
