the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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