I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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