I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
