You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't turn off my feet"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
