Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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