so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
