I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize