fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
