ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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