Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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