Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
