Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
