we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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