Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
